Some Quotes I Like

I had a calendar a couple of years ago called “Wild Words from Wild Women” that had some really insightful sayings. I saved three of my favorites.

My hands-down favorite:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson, creator of A Course in Miracles

My second favorite:

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” – Sue Parton, smarty pants (I have no idea what they meant by this?!)

The third one that I saved:

“Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t hear you until you scream.” – Stefanie Powers, screen presence

Ain’t that the truth?!

I will randomly include other good quotes that I come across as I find them. Add some of your favorites below!

Peanut Baby – Taken From Us Too Early – July 22, 2014

Our australian shepherd, Peanut, was taken from us at the age of 7 years, 3 months by a hemangiosarcoma on her heart that ruptured. She laid down in the crate about 1:45 PM and started breathing weird about 2:05. I told her to move her head. A few minutes later, I noticed that she was still breathing weird and went over to move her head, talking to her as I walked over. When I moved her head, instead of picking up her head and moving, it was just a weight in my hand. I saw that her gums and tongue were blue and she was unresponsive. I pulled the entire dog bed out of the crate to get to her and held her in my arms on my lap as she died. It was horrible. Just horrible. At least we were home and knew what happened, though.

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Peanut was our Omega dog, always wondering if she was really allowed to be part of our pack, joyous at having someone pet her, to let her feel loved and accepted. Her greatest joy was to feel that she was one of us. I hope that she knew that at the end.

We’ll miss you forever, Peanut Baby. Who’s a good rug?

AKC registered RF Peanut, born April 12, 2007, died July 22, 2014

My Resources for Getting Better.

So I thought I would actually share what I’m using to try to get better – emotionally, mentally, and physically. A lot of my physical issues are either caused by or aggravated by my emotional/mental baggage, so that’s what I’m dealing with first.

I’m using two workbooks – Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD by Stanley H. Block and The PTSD Workbook by Mary Beth Williams, PhD, LCSW, CTS, and, Soili Poijula, PhD . These are intended to be used daily, but I’m OK for now working on them a few times a week (sometimes Sweet Baby wakes up too early and I don’t get my “take care of mommy” time). It is what it is. :-)

The Mind-Body Workbook for PTSD is very focused on body sensation and relearning how to use your senses, at least in the beginning. I do OK so far using hearing and sight, though it takes a lot of concentration to use sight effectively. I can’t do it for very long yet. You have to really pay attention to what you’re looking at, noticing the textures, colors, and shapes of what you’re seeing. After spending a life-time working on NOT seeing things that are going on around me, it’s really a challenge to actually learn to pay attention!

It’s also really hard for me to use touch. It’s too much. Too stimulating. I can tolerate paying attention to touch for only a few seconds before I have to shut it out again. I have to practice…

In The PTSD Workbook, I’m still working on a safe place. This book is spending a lot of time working on coming up with both a physical safe place and a mental safe place to use when you are out someplace away from your physical safe place. I think I’ve got the mental safe place down, but I have a really hard time figuring out an actual physical safe place. How can you be safe when you worry about things like sink holes and tornadoes in addition to other, more-common fears? So I’m having a real problem figuring out where my safe place could be.

Another thing I have started using is affirmations. I’m currently working through You Can Heal Your Life by Louis Hay. I’ve been going through the list of affirmations and associated body symptoms in the back of the book and making a list (a long list!). I go through them in front of a mirror like she says to do, but I also do EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) at the same time. I’m hoping that doing the tapping at the same time will help speed up the integration of the affirmations into my subconscious. I also have started using the script for procrastination out of the book and can already tell a difference in how much I’m getting done!

For the EFT, I have several programs by Carol Look and really like her material. I also have come to like Brad Yates and he has a TON of material on youtube. However, as there are only so many hours in the day, I’m currently stalled on doing other EFT beyond the affirmation work. As I get closer to using my ideal schedule (already worked out, but not getting used yet), I’ll be able to add in more EFT, yoga several evenings a week, maybe EMDR once a week, and weekly martial arts practice.

Am I missing anything? What else do you do? Let me know!

Look What the Easter Bunny Brought Us!

Or, I should say, the Easter Goat! Emma does it again, making delivery seem easy. Three new kids born on Easter morning – Oreo, Gingersnap, and Chocolate.

Orea on the left, Gingersnap in the middle, Chocolate on the right

Oreo on the left, Gingersnap in the middle, Chocolate on the right

Oreo is the littlest. She has blue eyes and is polled.

Gingersnap is the largest. She has brown eyes and is polled.

Unfortunately, we went out of town overnight for the holiday and Chocolate was dead upon our return. We think that maybe he got too cold. It apparently went down to 39; I had forgotten to check the overnight temperature before we left. We would have cancelled our trip if I had realized it was going to get that cold.

Since then, Emma and her kids spend every night in the make-shift stall in the shed we’re converting into a barn just for the kids and moms. It’s a 12′ x 24′ shed and already has electricity. We’re going to gut it and put in 4 4′ x 6′ stalls with removable partitions between as many as possible (depending on the final design), a milking stand, and hopefully some storage. It would be great to be able to store some hay in it during the winter so I’m not having to schlep it back there in the snow.

During the day, Emma and her kids spend their time going between the run-in stall and a temporary pen where Emma can get some grass without feeling like she has to charge every doe that comes close to her babies. She’s a very good mom!

More baby pics soon!


UPDATE: At three weeks, Oreo has popped out horn buds. The vet is coming out next week to disbud her and to test our herd for Johnes, CL, and CAE.

Greens for Kids

I thought others might be wondering how to get their kids to eat more of the good stuff so thought I would throw these out there. Sweet Baby (currently 8 years old) eats raw broccoli and cauliflower, not cooked.

She eats brussels sprouts sauteed in butter with salt and garlic powder.

We saute coleslaw mix in olive oil with tamari, garlic powder and a little ginger powder.

She will eat spinach, kale or chard if I chop them small and cook them with eggs (saute greens first then add eggs, cook like omelet but greens will be mixed in eggs) then add shredded cheese before folding.

So far, I cannot get her to enjoy the deliciousness of sauteed baby bok choy in olive oil with tamari, garlic (minced), and ginger powder. Ohh! I just thought maybe since she’s not eating it anyway, I’ll try a little onion with it. I don’t know. Thinking about it, it sounds a little weird. Maybe leek instead…

Any good kid-approved recipes for greens out there?

Time – 1/3 of the Year Gone Already!

A third of the year already gone. Time flies, whether you’re having fun or not.

I hate the passage of time. I’ve finally realized that the reason I go to bed late every night and fight it until I’m too tired to stay up any more is that I don’t want each day to end. I want time to stop, or at least slow down. I have to get so many “things” done, but I desperately want to have more time to play and spend time with my daughter. How to work it all in? I haven’t figured it out. I hate time!

I keep thinking that maybe if I organize better I can get more caught up. Or maybe if I go to bed earlier and get up earlier I can get more done. It’s just so hard to go to sleep when it’s getting late and we haven’t had a chance to play together yet. I don’t want these days to slip by.

Any time savers people can point me to?

Cracks in the Walls

I have made a discovery. I have had the meme that people don’t like me (unheard of, I know). I have made the discover that’s it’s actually been me putting up walls to try to keep people out, with my subconscious screaming that it’s dangerous to be emotionally close to people. However, I recently started going through two workbooks and have realized that the “issue” really was me.

I was, subconsciously, so busy putting up walls to keep myself safe that I was coming across as not liking the other people around me and being uninterested in being friendly. I finally saw that when I did the first exercise in both workbooks; neither exercise pointed it out alone.

Instead of hiding with that knowledge, I put on my big girl pants and actually spoke up to someone whom I felt I had been blocking out. I’m proud of myself for taking that risk to put myself and my feelings out there. I feel like finally there might be cracks showing up in the walls. Freedom beckons!


Does It Get Easier?

We recently had another doe, Friday, go into labor. Unfortunately, the baby came wrong; it only had one front foot out instead of both and the head. I didn’t know what to do and called the vet. Since we’re kind of out of the way, the closest large animal vet is 45 minutes away. The vet came right away, gave mama a shot of pain medicine, then went in and got the baby out. Dead.

On the positive side, the doe survived and the vet said she didn’t see any reason why she couldn’t be bred back (no obvious problems with mom’s health). Friday cried part of the next day, but she had seemed to realize at the time of birth that the baby wasn’t alive. She had cleaned up the messy parts but didn’t bother licking the kid.

Our oldest doe, Friday may only be bred two more times before retiring to the doe pasture permanently. She’s a nice girl, second in command, polled, and I’m hoping to get a good looking doe (or 2 or 3!) out of her before that happens. She also has the largest udder of any of my does and I wonderfully thick coat.

I’m so looking forward to getting some live little kids. After the cold killing most of our February kids, I really, really want Emma’s late-March baby(ies) to be alive and healthy! I need a little restoration in my faith in the process.